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Consultants, Shepherds, and Gucci's

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW drove out of a cloud of dust towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM Thinkpad and connected it to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas.

He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 150 page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized printer -- then turns to the shepherd and says........."You have exactly 1586 sheep".

"That is correct; you may take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his BMW.

Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?"

"OK. Why not?" said the young man.

"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.

"That's correct" says the yuppie, "how'd you guess that?"

"No guessing required" answers the shepherd.
"You turned up here although nobody called you.
You want to get paid for an answer I already knew,
to a question I never asked, and
you don't know a blasted thing about my business.

Now give me back my dog".


Consultants and the Oldest Profession

A physician, a civil engineer, and a consultant were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.
The physician remarked, "Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."
The civil engineer interrupted, and said, "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world."
The consultant leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?"


Consultants and Advice
The chickens in a large hen house started to quarrel, wounded each other and many of them died every day. The upset farmer hurried to a consultant, and asked for a solution to his problem.
"Add baking-powder to the chickens' food," said the consultant, "it will calm them down."
After a week the farmer came back to the consultant and said: "My chickens continue to die. What shall I do?"
"Add strawberry juice to their drinking water, that will help for sure".
A week passed, and again the farmer came to the consultant: "My chickens are still quarrelling. Do you have some more advice?"
"I can give you more and more advice," answered the consultant. "The real question is whether you have more chickens."


 

 

Contact information: Snowdon & Associates Inc.
  4692 Clark Road,
  Harrowsmith, Ontario K0H 1V0
Email: Ken.SnowdonandAssociates@gmail.com
Jo.Brady25@gmail.com
Phone: Ken: (613) 539-8429
  Jo-Anne: (613) 540-4864
 

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